Sage Advice from the Dying
Hello, Health Enthusiasts!
Welcome to this week’s installment of our Informative Health Blog, lovingly written by yours truly and posted every Saturday morning, my attempt to keep you informed, entertained, and hopefully learning something new! If health blogs aren’t your thing, you can easily opt out. But if there’s a topic you’d love to see covered, drop me a line.
Stay healthy, stay curious, and as always, thanks for reading!
Warm regards,
Andrew Siegel MD
Sage Advice from the Dying
This entry is derived from “3 Lessons for Living Well, From the Dying,” written by Jancee Dunn and published in the NY Times on January 31st. Palliative and hospice care experts were questioned about what they learned from terminal patients who offered advice that we can all apply to our lives. I found their recommendations to be compelling and worthy of dissemination.
What if you knew your time was almost up? Would you really regret that extra slice of cake, or would you be kicking yourself for letting friendships fade like an old Facebook profile pic? Hospice workers say the number one regret of the dying isn’t about money, careers, or even binge-watching bad reality TV—it’s losing touch with people they loved.
1. Call Your Friends (Before It’s Too Late!)
Turns out, waiting for the “right time” to reconnect is a terrible strategy. The dying often wish they had sent that text, made that call, or scheduled that coffee date. So, don’t overthink it—send that ridiculous meme, invite a friend to dinner, and say "I love you" like you mean it. Dr. Vicki Jackson, a palliative care expert, says she tells people she appreciates them all the time because, frankly, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. (And let’s be real—who doesn’t love an unexpected compliment?)
2. Enjoy the Little Things—Yes, Even Grocery Shopping
According to former hospice nurse Suzanne B. O’Brien, many patients miss the everyday stuff: walking the dog, making pancakes, or even going to the grocery store. So instead of sighing, “Ugh, I have to go to the gym,” try “I get to go to the gym!” (Although, let’s be honest, that one’s a stretch.) The point? Savor the small joys while you still can. Truly, this is how most activities should be framed: “I get to do X,” or “I am privileged to do X,” not “I have to do X.”
I really like this tidbit of advice and I’m trying to incorporate it. As I sit here in my home office typing away, I peek out the window, enjoy the clear vision (that my father no longer has), and appreciate the view of the cerulean blue sky, our backyard, cedar trees, and squirrels frolicking. It’s all about being present.
As an aside, according to the World Happiness Report, Finland is the happiest country and has been so for the last eight years. This can be attributed to the Nordic social welfare state that provides free education and universal health care as well as trust in the government. Additional factors are Finns' close relationship with nature as most of the country is forested and daily therapeutic sauna visits being the norm. Apparently, many Finns have mastered quieting the mind, staying present, and finding pleasure in small, simple acts and observations. This enables tapping into one's reservoir of happy chemicals.
3. Stop Sweating the Small Stuff (Like That Jerk Who Cut You Off in Traffic)
Dr. Jackson has a rule—when something annoying happens, she asks herself, “Do I really want to waste 15 minutes of my life being mad about this?” The answer is almost always no. If it’s not life-or-death, let it go. Save your energy for the things that really matter—like deciding what to watch next on Netflix.
Bonus Tip: Don’t Leave Life Unfinished
Dr. Bethany Snider asks her patients, “What have you left undone?” Whether it’s fixing an old friendship, seeing the Northern Lights, or finally organizing that junk drawer, now’s the time. One patient’s dying wish was to binge watch Breaking Bad, proving that goals come in all shapes and sizes.
Bottom line: Life is short. Eat the cake, call your friends, and for the love of all things good, stop worrying about that one embarrassing thing you said in 2013.
Wishing you the best of health,
Andrew Siegel MD
Dr. Andrew Siegel is a physician and urological surgeon who is board-certified in urology as well as in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery. His mission is to “bridge the gap” between the public and the medical community.
He is an Assistant Clinical Professor in the Department of Urology at Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine and is a Castle Connolly Top Doctor New York Metro Area, Inside Jersey Top Doctor and Inside Jersey Top Doctor for Women’s Health. He is a urologist at New Jersey Urology, a Summit Health Company. He is the co-founder of PelvicRx and Private Gym.
Dr. Siegel is the author of several books. The newly revised second edition (June 2023) of Prostate Cancer 20/20: A Practical Guide to Understanding Management Options for Patients and Their Families is now available in print and Kindle formats on Amazon.
Video trailer for Prostate Cancer 20/20
Preview of Prostate Cancer 20/20
Please note: The audiobook version of Prostate Cancer 20/20: A Practical Guide to Understanding Management Options for Patients and Their Families is now available on Amazon: Prostate Cancer 20/20 AudiobookAndrew Siegel MD Amazon author page
Dr. Siegel’s other books:
THE KEGEL FIX: Recharging Female Pelvic, Sexual, and Urinary Health
MALE PELVIC FITNESS: Optimizing Sexual and Urinary Health
PROMISCUOUS EATING: Understanding and Ending Our Self-Destructive Relationship with Food