Welcome to the Club

Embrace Middle-Aged Reality with Humor, Grace, and a Dash of Shrinkage

Hello, Health Enthusiasts!

Welcome to this week’s installment of our Informative Health Blog, lovingly written by yours truly every Saturday morning for the past decade (yes, I am that committed—or maybe just stubborn). These posts are my attempt to keep you informed, entertained, and hopefully learning something new! If health blogs aren’t your thing, you can easily opt out (I promise, no hard feelings). But if there’s a topic you’d love to see covered, drop me a line—I’m always open to suggestions (within reason, of course).

Now for some important news that really needs your attention!

Our new office is amazing, but… DO NOT GO TO THE MAYWOOD OFFICE!

Yes, I know, habits die hard. But seriously, if you show up at the old Maywood office, you’ll find a whole lot of nothing. Since late September, we’ve been in our shiny, lovely new space at 17-17 Route 208 North, Fair Lawn (just after the Fair Lawn Promenade). Google Maps and Waze might try to lead you astray—don’t let them. Your best bet? Tell your GPS to take you to “Summit Health, Fair Lawn Hub, NJ.”

A few pro tips for a smooth arrival:

· Our building comes up really fast and the sign for the building is small so keep those eagle eyes on alert.

· Parking is in the back of the building (not the Route 208 side).

· Enter from the back of the building, then head up to the second floor—SUITE 290 IS IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE BUILDING.

We know it’s a bit of a treasure hunt, but trust me, the prize is worth it! Thanks for sticking with us through this transition—we can’t wait to see you in our cozy new space.

I have advice from two patients regarding finding your way to the new office:

“I find it easier to use 18-01 Pollitt Drive, Fair Lawn on my GPS, which is Retro Fitness and is opposite your parking lot/entrance.”

“Fly from NJ to Zimbabwe, take a train to Egypt, go by boat to Hong Kong, then fly to NJ. Once there, go to your Teaneck office.”

Stay healthy, stay curious, and as always, thanks for reading!

Warm regards,
Andrew Siegel MD

Welcome to the Club: Embrace Middle-Aged Reality with Humor, Grace, and a Dash of Shrinkage

Ah, middle age! That magical time of life when everything you took for granted in your younger years decides to stage its own protest. Don’t panic—it’s not a medical emergency. It’s just your body saying, “Welcome to the club!”

These four words have become my go-to phrase for my middle-aged patients, delivered with a knowing smile that says, You’re not alone, friend. We’re all in this together. Because really, nothing says solidarity like a shared tale of nighttime bathroom trips and “disappearing” body parts.

Bfpage, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

The Age of “Not Bad, Just... Different”

You’re still standing, still moving, and hopefully still smiling. But let’s face it—things aren’t quite as they used to be. Middle age isn’t a problem to fix; it’s an adventure to navigate. Sure, the manual got lost somewhere around 35, but that’s what we urologists are here for: to help you distinguish between the quirks of aging and the actual red flags.

Spoiler alert: not everything needs fixing. Some things just require a sense of humor and a good seat cushion.

Sex Drive: From Bonfire to Cozy Campfire

Ah, libido. Once a raging inferno that could burn through anything, now it’s more like a set of glowing embers. Don’t worry—it’s not extinguished, just... politely subdued. It’s still there, flickering quietly, waiting for the right moment (and maybe a little nudge).

On the plus side, you can finally watch a movie without being distracted.

Erections: Gravity Always Wins

Congratulations! You can still salute the flag, just maybe not at a full 90-degree angle. The rock-star rigidity of your 20s has given way to a more... jazz-like improvisation. It’s a softer gig, but hey, you’re still on stage.

Nighttime and morning erections? Fewer guest appearances these days. And encore performances? Let’s just say sleep is the new sexy.

Ejaculation: The Blunt-Nosed Handgun

Remember the days when your climax could rival a Fourth of July fireworks display? Well, now it’s more like a sparkler on a rainy day. The once-mighty trajectory has become a dignified dribble. It’s not a malfunction—it’s just physics meeting biology.

And let’s not forget the delayed responses. If youth was a race car, middle age is a dependable old sedan—steady, reliable, but not exactly breaking speed records.

Shrinkage: It’s Not Just in the Pool

Yes, gentlemen, your penis may appear to be shrinking. Cue the collective gasp! But before you stage a protest, understand that it’s often an illusion. A little weight gain and a generous pubic fat pad can create what I lovingly call the “turtle effect.” The length is there—it’s just hiding.

That said, real shrinkage does happen in some cases. Blame age, scarring, surgery, or that pesky “use it or lose it” principle. The scrotum, meanwhile, has embraced expansion. Gravity, my friends, is an undefeated champion.

If you’re wondering whether it’s normal to feel the toilet water on your scrotum—well, let’s just say you’re not the first to ask.

Urinary Woes: The Plumbing Is Acting Up

The prostate gland: the only part of your anatomy that insists on a growth spurt after puberty. As it expands, it can constrict your urinary flow, turning bathroom trips into a mini project. Weak streams, starts and stops, the infamous post-void dribble and sleep time interruptions? All part of the package.

Pro tip: Learn to appreciate the strategic importance of proximity to restrooms.

The Bottom Line

So, you’re middle-aged…Big deal! These changes are less a crisis and more an invitation to join the rest of humanity in the grand comedy of aging. If things get annoying or interfere with your quality of life, don’t suffer in silence—schedule a visit with your friendly neighborhood urologist.

Until then, wear your middle-age badge with pride. After all, you’re in the club now. And trust me, the perks—like the wisdom to laugh at yourself—are well worth the membership fee.

Wishing you the best of health,

Andrew Siegel MD